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(As I wrote recently, I’m going to end the year with the top 5 posts from 2011. Today kicks off with number #5. See you on Sunday, January 1 for Finish Year!)

A few weeks ago, I was supposed to run in an event called “The Warrior Dash.” It’s a 5K obstacle course that involves mud, fire, water and Viking helmets. I’d signed up for it months ago. But 24 hours before the event, I decided not to go.

Why?

Because I’m trying to disappoint the right people in my life.

For years, I thought, if I lived a perfect life, I could make everyone happy and never disappoint anyone. I know that’s a foolish thought, but people-pleasers like me are constantly intoxicated with thoughts like that.

But the day before the race I realized something: I was going to be out of town for the next three weekends. I speak at the Dave Ramsey Live Events and we were headed out to visit three different cities.

I had a choice to make.

I could either disappoint my kids and tell them, “Hey, on the Saturday before I’m gone for three Saturdays in a row, I’m going to spend five hours running in a race instead of hanging out with you.”

Or

I could disappoint my friends and tell them, “I’ve got to bail on the Warrior Dash.”

I decided to disappoint my friends. And the funny thing is that three of them had already decided not to run the race for the same reason. We hadn’t trained together for it, running over fire or through mud in the weeks before, and we weren’t that invested in it.

So instead of doing the race, I spent the entire Saturday with my wife and kids at a botanical garden. It was an amazing day, and I felt instantly like I had made the right decision.

In your life, you’re going to disappoint people, people who want your time or your input or your attendance. And often you won’t be able to give it to them. But it’s okay to disappoint people, as long as you make sure you’re disappointing the right people.

The biggest lesson for me was to not say “yes” to things I am ultimately going to say “no” to. When my friends asked me to run in the race, I should have looked at my calendar, seen the travel I had scheduled for this fall, and said “no.” But I didn’t want to disappoint them, so I agreed to it. Which only amplified the disappointment of me eventually saying no 24 hours before the race.

Don’t tell polite lies, like “Let’s grab coffee sometime” when you have no intention of doing that.

Don’t believe the internal lie that you have to say “yes” to everything and will never disappoint anyone.

You will disappoint people. That’s going to happen. There’s great freedom in realizing that.

Just make sure when you have to disappoint someone, you disappoint the right people.

Question:
Have you ever struggled with saying “no” to someone?

from Lifehacker

from Lifehacker

from Lifehacker

Advertise here with BSA

from Lifehacker

from A life with Friends My oh my do I have a LOT of catching up to do!

  On Tuesday July 5th I went in at 12:00pm to get induced. They used a form of hormons to induce me. When they started I was barely 1 cm. I began getting very regular contractions, uncomfortable but nothing compared to actually labor.
  They continued all afternoon, and got to the point where I was having one every minute. The nurse came and and said that ” They weren’t comfortable with how close the contractions were.”so they took out the hormons. The nurse told me that the contactions should stop within 15 min.
 Fast forward a couple hours. The contractions were still going on, and getting stronger. The Midwife came in to check me. I was now 2cm. ( hah, some progress right? ) To help get me dilated they put in something called a fully balloon, and told me to get some rest, and it should fall out in about 5-6 hours, at which point I would be 4cm.

   I got what little rest I could, and just an hour later the balloon fell out, and my water broke.
Quickly they moved me to the birthing room, and from then on the contractions got worse, and WORSE.
 All through the night I continued to have contractions, about every 2-3min lasting about 1min a piece.
I tried different techniques to manage the pain, massage, the birthing ball, and walking. Josh and my Mom were in the room with me, helping me when I needed it.
 At about 7:00am they told me that I could finally get into the tub. The bathtub wasn’t big, but it did have jets. Ahhh..finally a tiny bit of relief. I was in the tub for about an hour when I started feeling the urge to push. That was a scary feeling.
  I got into the bed and pushed, pushed, and puuuushed! For 2 hours I worked as hard as I possibly could. For 1hr 30min her head was visible but she would not come. Finally they realized that she was tangled pretty tightly in the cord. Her heart rate started to drop as the cord pulled around her neck. The Midwife had to do and emergency episiotomy, and then, Aribella Brielle Friend was born! Weighing 6lb 15 ounces, and 19 and 3/4 inches long. :)
  After she was born i had a very difficult time delivering the placenta( it took about an hour and a half). Finally when everything was finished, exhausted beyond belief I got to hold my daughter and just relax.


 Sounds like that would be a good ending right? If only that were the case.

 The evening before we were going to be discharged a nurse took Aribella to get some routine tests done. She said they would be back shortly. A couple hours later they came back with a list of things that they found wrong with our daughter. She was dehydrated, a little jaundice, and anemic.
 After more tests they decided that she needed to be transfered over to ruby to have more in depth tests done. The next week was a blur. Doctors naming off issue after issue that she might have, yet still there was no diagnosis. After many more tests they found out that she had major problems with pulmonary hypertension, and that she had a very rare type of hemitruncus, so she would need to have open heart surgery. The next two months consisted of a LOT of waiting, praying. There were days where everything would be okay, and then days where things wouldn’t be so great. At one point they thought she might need a stomach surgery as well, but that came back negative. Right when things were looking good, and it seemed like she’d be able to come home, they found out that she is going to need another heart surgery. They weren’t sure when they were going to do the next surgery and Bella began to pick up her feeds, so they decided that they would send her home for an undecided amount of time to let her get stronger.

  So, she’s been home for about three weeks and is thriving. She weighs 9lb 9ounces, and is growing at a wonderful rate, the doctors said that as long as she keeps it up they want to wait as long as possible before doing the next surgery.

   We are praying for a miracle, and that our little girl wont have to endure anymore surgeries. Whatever happens we know God is with us, and holding our precious baby is his hands.